i hate myself~

ok..today..im officially finish my dreadful never end test..
its a very typical feeling that ive must said.. a very pleasurable and heavenly delightful..
haha..
im always glad nursing programme does not include mathematics in their syllabus..
klau tak..i'll end up mcm kat mozac dlu..
pathetic how very small decision will bring significant changes into someone life..

last night while preparing myself for today anatomy test on reproductive and urinary system ..i was like..pup..(mcm sam in samantha who? drama..haha) start to remember everything mase kat my alma mater dlu..flashback..one by one...and i can hear every single words miss Rachel had ever said to me during biology class..scary huh..haha..the same high pitch tone..
then there's come this very uncontrollable urge to find my biology book (yaa..the green bulky old versions of success biology book)..
i brought that book when i was in year one..thought it might come handy one day..
while painstakingly going through one by one..page by page..
i cried to myself...
how can u do this to yourself?why is it the most simplified biology u cant barely understand...
i was so surprised to see how the old me making her life so miserable..

notes!for god sake..there is a lot small unimportant and unrelated notes everywhere..
songs lyrics la..apela...yes..time 2 mmg ko tnga angau..and it is very severe..now i can call u the idle queen!
why huh..ur dopamine levels up and down that u cant even think straight?
ntahla..da terlambaaat nak menyesal..

when i ask amir..why is it i cant understand anything mase spm dlu..
unlike now..where anatomy is much2 different and harder..
i can still tolerate..not to say that im good..

the answer was sgt menyakitkan hati..

"keberkatan cikgu....."

huh? i hate to say this..but..
yes..i can still remember conflicts between me and mdm thaiva, pn zulinda, cikgu mazitah, ustaz ishak (fyi..ustaz ishak pena ajar sy ngaji mase kecik2 dlu..dats y la dy concern psl sy..heh), and ckgu yati long time ago..
ntahla...byk buat hal rupenye ak time skola dlu...
so thats it..everyone deserve a chance to change..

and i just got mine...

thanks..

slow~